StAr

Twinkle, twinkle… little star… how I wonder what you are…

My son, my one and a half year old son, knows this song by heart.

When you look outside at the vast sky, you and your life fade into a small pen prick in what is the glory of the universe, the vastness of the galaxy. Except that somewhere, your Creator has a zoom lens, focused on you and yours.

How beautiful.

And how frustrating.

For me it is because He (Creator, my Savior) is zoomed in on me, zoomed in and staring at my flaws and imperfections.

He sees me frustrated at the life that comes with two babies in two years. He sees the debt that I have had my fair share in creating for our family and the struggle to get out of it. He sees our sweet cuddle bug dog Max… who at 60+ lbs prevents us from finding a nice new rental…

dog

He sees the one bed room shoe box that we have adapted to fit our family into, because we (and by we I mean I) are not willing to throw away a life we committed to care for because it is not convenient.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe…

shoe

I am not going to lie, I stalk Zillow like nobody’s business. Collecting ideas, trying to find things I know I don’t want so someday, when we have the money, we can buy my dream house.

Tonight, talking with my brother-in-law, I was looking through Zillow for a place for him that he could live with roommates. I typed in low-end house and up popped a listing. It was so cute, a cottage style house. And then I closed the tab.

I HATE it when I do that, I can never find the same house twice.

So, as I am looking, I click on another house that could have been it. It wasn’t, but I scanned through the pictures.

The kitchen froze me in my tracks.

I have never found my dream kitchen until this moment.

kitchen

TOTALLY retro.

kitchen1

I was in love. Red kitchen—> who knew?! I have always ALWAYS been a yellow kitchen kind of gal. Huh.

And then the living room.

livingroom.

Adorable.

Up the stairs?

stairs

Be still my beating heart. Could it be?

attic

Orange Attic. And not just orange. FIRE Orange. My absolute stop-the-presses-this-is-it favorite color.

And a cherry on the cake? Only $80,000. Pocket change that could totally be saved cash as far as house buying goes.

Except we are up our nose in debt.

That I made.

This dream house will most likely never be mine, though I now have a plan for what I want when I finally do get a house of my own and my hubbz gives me the green light to renovate.

So what is the point of this post?

I have been learning a lesson of contentedness. If that wasn’t a word before, it is now. I want to be content.

In my shoe box.

In this beautiful life with these beautiful boys (and man) that Creator has blessed me with.

IMG_2451

Would a house like this retro cottage make my life easier? 3 bedrooms? Absolutely! Would it make me any happier?

More space to fill with laughter, sure. But still I have joy and love bouncing off my walls already.

And really, this dream house is just that. A house. Until my boys fill up the house, it will never NEVER be a dream home, specifically MY dream home.

I am in a season where I am okay with letting dreams simply be dreams. In the blink of an eye, my boys will be out the door. And I don’t want to waste a minute of my time with them obsessing on the “what ifs” and the “if only, if onlys”. I want to cuddle my babies and sing along…

Twinkle, twinkle… little star… how I wonder what you are…

StAr

And if I spend their baby years in my shoe box, singing this song… so be it. I have my twilight years to spend with my husband in my dream house, while I cuddle my grandbabies and create my dream home.

Advertisements